Theoretically

11 09 2009

Let’s say, theoretically, you and your boyfriend (guys, just go with it) have been together for 2+ years. And let’s say, theoretically, you’ve lived together for over a year.

You’ve talked about marriage, babies and growing old together. And he’s seen you naked more than any other living being. You know, theoretically.

Let’s say this boyfriend of yours get a text message one Friday night while you’re hanging out. The text is from an oooold friend of his. An old friend who happens to be female.

Let’s say you’re okay with this.

But this old friend? Also happens to be the sister of your boyfriend’s EX-FUCKING-GIRLFRIEND. Who he was with for a total of 4-something years.

Theoretically.

And let’s say, when he responds to this text message (knowing his ex is with the sister, who text messaged him), he says something to the effect of, “Just hanging out.” No mention of you.

How would you, theoretically, feel?





no sex for… me, apparently.

8 09 2009

I was tickled pink to see that I got a response from people on my last post! So glad people are helping me think of things to write about! Keep it going!

The question was by Miss Rambles: What is the longest either have you have gone with NO sex?

I mean, who really likes to talk about the lack of sex in their life? It’s just not fun. So when I saw the question, I had to definitely pick at my brain to think of the last time I was in a serious sex rut. I’ve always been pretty good at gettin’ some.

Let me break this down for you: When things went to shit with Asshole Ex before I broke up with him, I went on a “no-sex” strike– not really sure who I was punishing more, really–which was probably for a month, maybe more. But as soon as I moved back home, Christina invited me to College Town, like the good friend she is, and I’m almost positive I broke the streak the second visit. After that it was really twice a month, I’m guessing, that I was in College Town visiting Christina and fucking on her living room floor (well, maybe it wasn’t the floor everytime…). After that I found a boyfriend in Big Town it was a pretty regular thing– but that was The Facemaker, so I had to put an end to that one. Also dated Christina’s boyfriend’s brother, who lived a couple hours away, so I’d get some about every other weekend. After many failed relationships, I decided that since I had built relationships with guys in Big Town, I might as well use that to my advantage… so I had my share of fuck-buddies there for a while, and was for sure getting action at least once a month until I moved. Ugh. I was in a pretty huge sex drought, I moved in November, Mr. Cling helped a little once or twice in November/December, and after that I stopped seeing him for obvious reasons and was without sex until I met STS, which was probably about 2 months. So… to answer your question: 2 months. Does that make me a whore? And what’s the longest you have all gone without hiding the sausage (or in some cases, little smokies)?

Let’s not even get started on my current situation, though. I’m starting on a long streakas we speak. STS and I broke up in early August, and I’m pretty sure the last time we got down and dirty was a day or so before, so I’m working on a good month right now. And I actually think I’m becoming a bit depressed even thinking about it. Fuck me.

tfln of the day: (619): thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina

Teaser: My next post I’ll be answering Christina’s question, “have you ever, I dunno, gotten drunk on a boat with a boy you only recently met and gone skinnydipping with some illegal substances maybe (or maybe not) involved?” She obviously knows more than you. And you aren’t gonna wanna miss this.

exesandoh!s,
Court





so… we fucked.

2 02 2009

119 unread Google Reader items. And that doesn’t count the ones that I skimmed through reading on Wednesday, and got marked as read.

I suck at this game. I was so busy with work last two weeks, that I forgot to do laundry, leaving me lacking in the thong department. Luckily I don’t have a problem with going commando. Did I mention that I’m also sick with an effing cold, and this morning when I woke up my right eye was closed shut, leaving me to have to wear my ridiculously geeky glasses today?

Let  me just catch you up with my life, as it is currently. Smaller Town Stud and I are officially boyfriend/girlfriend. Mr. Cling flipped out on me. I refrained from having sex with STS as long as I could, and I think it was actually the longest I’ve ever waited to have sex with someone (I never did tell you all about the guy who owned the New York Pizza shop that I gave my phone number to after seeing him one day, and the next day I was stark naked, having sex with him in his parent’s house in front of the huge window in the front of the house for all to see — but now you know). Anyway… so, 13 days into knowing STS, I decided to give-it-a-go. 

Now… from what STS had told me, he hadn’t had sex in 2 years. Not because he didn’t want to, but because there wasn’t anyone around this shitty-ass town that he would even have considered doing the deed with. So… when I brought up the subject, he said he wanted to wait until I was ready. Shit. I was born ready! But, I did wait for as long as I could (psh, 1 day short of 2 weeks. Is that sad that I couldn’t wait any longer than that??).

Well, we did it. We didn’t finish, but we did it. You see, I’m not sure exactly what the deal was. I know he was enjoying it. His face showed it, his “OH MY GOD”s showed it, his movement showed it, but… his dick… didn’t understand the whole concept that it needed to be firm for the whole act. I mean, it would go in and out of limp-ness. STS felt terrible. He re-assured me he was having an awesome time, but he couldn’t finish, and I sure as hell couldn’t finish with what I was working with. After 45 minutes, we both laid down and I told him I had a good time regardless, and he shouldn’t feel bad.

Christina assured me that he cares deeply about me and that it was probably nerves. Ladies, gentleman… comments? Suggestions?


Moving on… I missed out on Fuck Me Friday, and Sex Position Sunday. So… here you are:

Fuck Me Friday:

Colin Farrell. Yum. Accent = yuuuuuuuuuuuuum.

  colinfarrell04

and Elisha Cuthbert for the men:

elisha_cuthbert2

Oh, and Sex Position Sunday? 

Mastery. With great face-to-face contact, Mastery is a very intimate position that’s great for those that like to do a lot of kissing during intercourse. To get into the position the receiver simply sits on their sitting partner facing them. Unfortunately, when performed as illustrated, the position isn’t great for generating vertical movement, so if you want to experience the full effect (as shown in the ratings below), make sure to try it on a stool or chair that lets the receiver get a good footing.

exes and oh!s,
Court





I can’t keep up (and BF’s a sweetheart)

1 02 2009

It’s come to my attention that Court and I have received awards and been tagged lately. Awesome!

Seriously, I say that without any sarcasm. I sincerely apologize we haven’t responded (or, if we have, good for us – that’s where my head’s been lately… I don’t even know if we’re thanking people or doing anything for these awards or not!) but I just wanted to say we 150% appreciate them!

Work’s been a shitstorm lately for me and I think Court could say the same. AND I know she’s been busy with STS ( I’ll let her tell you about that even though she’s shared some good stories with me).

Also, I thought I’d give a little update on how BF and I are doing.

We ended up talking it all out and he understands where I was coming from and why I was so upset. He apologized and promised to bring things up for us to talk about first, before deciding on something like that. Also, he ended up not buying the car I was initially pissed about.

He’s been working a lot lately. Have I ever mentioned he works the night shift? Yeah, so he’s always horny when he gets home, between 3 and 7:30 a.m. (it varies depending on how busy they are) and that is definitely sleepy time for this girl. And MY horny time is usually between 9 p.m. and midnight so we almost. never. get to have sex and it sucks! Even on the weekends because he’s been working weekends lately. UGH!

Anyway, he did something super sweet today. He was getting ready to leave for work this afternoon and I was having a serious soda and sunflower seed craving (NO, I’m not preggo). I was also, however, having a serious lazy day. I’m talking it was 2:30 in the afternoon and I hadn’t showered or anything, really. Baggy sweats, tank and no bra and yesterday’s makeup does not make for a going-to-the-store outfit.

BF left for work with a lot less fanfare than usual. Normally he at least kisses me a couple times before petting the dogs and walking out the door. This time? “Bye babe, love ya!” and he was gone. Asshole

NOT! Five minutes later he called me and told me to come outside (ummm, did he not remember what I was wearing when he left? At least we live in a neighborhood slightly outside of town…). So I did and… there he was, with a six-pack of my favorite soda and my favorite kind of sunflower seeds!

I think the guy’s a keeper. And I think I’ll shave my legs tonight so I’m good and ready for him when he gets home.

xoxo
Christina





Fuck… Friday

24 01 2009

Excuse me while I take a break from the regularly scheduled Fuck me Friday. My mood today isn’t exactly fitting, so I’m doing something a little different.

How about a “Fuck YOU Friday” instead?

I’m pissed. At BF. I don’t even know where to start.

Whenever I make a purchase for more than, say, $50… I’m sure to talk to BF about it. No, we don’t have a shared bank account and our money is very much separate, but we have a lot of bills that are ours – our electricity bill, our internet bill, our satellite bill, our car loan payment… you get the idea. So, in my head (especially considering I got a paycut at work not too long ago and he hasn’t gotten the raise he’s been promised), spending money on things that aren’t essential is something we should talk about.

Which is why I got so insanely pissed today when I found out he’s planning on buying a car. A used car, only a couple hundred dollars, but a car. Hundreds of dollars.

And the only reason I found out was because he decided to drive his pickup to work (with a trailer to haul things like, you know, cars, attached to the back) instead of the car WE recently bought. He didn’t tell me. No, I had to question him.

“Don’t worry about it,” he said.

Fuck that.

The truth finally came out after about five minutes of questioning and the anger becoming more and more apparent in my voice. When the fuck was he going to tell me, when I walked outside tomorrow to see the fucking car that wasn’t there earlier this week?

Fuck that.

Oh, did I mention he owes me at least a grand from when I put the trailer (you know, the one he’s using to haul that car home) on MY credit card?

Fuck you, BF.

I’m pissed.

But, OK. This is more of a rant than a “Fuck me Friday,” so not much fun for you. Lame, right?

Hope this makes it better… going back to the “2 Fast 2 Furious” days. He may be a horrible actor but, fuck me.

paulwalker paulwalker2

And for the males, of course…

rachelbilson

xoxo
Christina





thnks fr th mmrs.

9 01 2009

Alright, so it’s been a while since I’ve filled you all in on the situation with Mr. Cling and myself, and a little history:

We’ve known eachother since high school, but didn’t talk much those days, so basically when we found eachother again, we were pretty much starting fresh. This was the middle of September. I moved to Smaller Town in October, and we were, what I call “seeing” each other for, maybe the last couple of weeks or so (and by my definition of seeing… that means we aren’t dating, and we can see other people).

Now, let me just start off by saying, Mr. Cling is a nice guy. Just a little too nice. After checking my mail on Tuesday, I found a card* from Mr. Cling. Interesting. My thoughts: Did I forget my own birthday? Thank you card for the Christmas present? New Years card maybe?  No. It was none of these. It was an effing “I love you” card. Uh… Really? After 2 weeks, huh? 

**** CARD DETAILS REMOVED FOR ANONYMITY PURPOSES ****

This just really… creeped me out. I liked the guy, and then he went and had to send me this card telling me he loves me and I’m the only one for him after “seeing” each other for 2 weeks?

Am I over-reacting? I feel like I sort of am, but given that I’m not really interested in commitment right now, this was just the last straw. I couldn’t take it anymore. I was trying too hard to like the guy. 

So long, Mr. Cling.

*Which had the wrong use of ‘your’ in it… Mr. Cling, “your” is possessive, meaning “your card was un-necessary”. The correct grammar for this would be “you’re” which is a contraction, a combination of “you” and “are” as in “you’re kind of moving too fast for me seeing as how I thought we were just ‘seeing’ each other.”

Oh, also, MBD texted me the other day for some dirty talk, and ended up sending me a picture of his over-sized pecker. Can’t complain much about that.

exes and oh!s,
Court





And if you don’t like it, you can go (back) to hell

9 01 2009
I’m not usually the follower type, but I liked Court’s so much I just had to make a list myself.

I’m pretty much going to follow hers, so you all can get to know the same stuff about us… so you’ll notice some similarities. And you’ll also kind of get a feel for the way Court and I interact, because some of the items on here are basically reactions to her list. You may call it a cop-out, I call it a time saver. I’m a busy girl, get off me.
101 things you’re gonna wish you didn’t know about Christina:
  1. My favorite color is black.
  2. I’m a Mountain Dew addict.
  3. BF is the only boyfriend I’ve ever had who I haven’t cheated on.
  4. I looooooove pizza.
  5. Men turn me on.
  6. Guys who can play the guitar make me wet.
  7. Australian accent, please.
  8. I used to be really sarcastic, but now… extreme sarcasm will make me want to punch you in the face.
  9. I love shoes. God, I love shoes.
  10. And purses. God, I love purses.
  11. I, too, love PostSecret. And have sent a secret or two in… but have yet to see them published.
  12. At least, I think I sent them… I know I made them. Let’s hope I sent them.
  13. I’ve been in love twice. BF and First Love.
  14. I’ve told more than two guys I’ve loved them, though. But not because I didn’t feel it… at the time, I thought I was in love. Hindsight is always 20/20, though.
  15. Growing up, I never thought I’d be the girl who spends more than an hour getting ready, owns more than 50 pairs of shoes, can’t keep track of all her purses… and here I am.
  16. It’s “yeah” when it’s a synonym for “yes,” and “ya” when it’s a synonym for “you.”
  17. I know “ain’t” ain’t a word, but I use it anyway. Same with y’all.
  18. No, I’m not from the South.
  19. I’ve been called a grammar/punctuation nazi.
  20. I love newspapers.
  21. I heart all things Victoria’s Secret. Unlike Court, I don’t discriminate (though the V-string thongs are nice).
  22. I’ve never fooled around in any way with any co-worker. At all.
  23. I’ve never – and would put money on it that I will never – have a threesome. I’m too greedy.
  24. I’ve been to entirely too many family members’ funerals. Fuck death.
  25. I don’t trust people enough.
  26. I haven’t said the phrase, “Facebook me!” since I left College Town, but I said it almost daily when I was there.
  27. I miss my phone with the full qwerty keyboard. God, do I miss it.
  28. I cry all. the. fucking. time.
  29. Sometimes I think I’m bi-polar – seriously, I know the gravity of the disorder. I can be perfectly happy one minute, then blacking out from rage the next. I call it The Crazy. Then I stop PMSing and I’m good for the rest of the month.
  30. I don’t smile enough. Especially at work. God, do I get stressed at work.
  31. BF hates the smell of Febreze. I love it.
  32. Fuck deja vu.
  33. I pretend it’s not true, but I should probably get glasses soon. And I definitely shouldn’t be allowed to drive at night (and I avoid it as much as possible) becaus I can’t see shit.
  34. The only way I can stand being around BF’s brother is after I’ve had at least a couple drinks. He brings out The Rage in me.
  35. Makeup sex is better when you’re in love.
  36. I, too, love black eyeliner. But I’d go without it before I’d go without mascara.
  37. I wear the eyeliner mostly because growing up I always heard, “Ohmygawdyouhavesuchbigeyes!” and it drove me absolutely batshit crazy. The eyeliner makes ’em look smaller. And, y’know, better.
  38. I’m going to say this again to really drive it home: I love shoes. And an addendum: Heels. Heels, heels, heels. God, I love heels.
  39. I’m too indecisive to get a tattoo. I’ve had an appointment or two to get one, but canceled because I didn’t know what the fuck I’d get.
  40. Regardless of titles, I think of myself as being able to do what I want with whom I want at all times (see #3). The reason I haven’t cheated on BF is because I love him and don’t want to be with or fuck anyone else.
  41. Asshole Ex was a fucking prick. I don’t think Court knows how close I came to physically assaulting him.
  42. I have a pet with the same (nick)name as one of this blog’s followers.
  43. I have three pets total.
  44. I do. not. allow any of the pets to be in the room when BF and I have sex.
  45. Allergies ain’t got shit on me.
  46. My house here in Small-ish Town is smaller and all-around crappier than any of my apartments in College Town.
  47. I apply deodorant three or four times a day.
  48. Thinking about losing BF makes me sick to my stomach.
  49. Thinking about all the time I wasted on the losers before BF makes me wish I could go back in time and somehow meet him earlier than I did.
  50. I’ve smoked pot quite a bit. My sophomore year in College Town is a blur.
  51. I’m glad I quit smoking when I did because I could have, pretty easily, blown my education because of it.
  52. I’ve never done any other drug.
  53. A few friends in College Town offered me some cocaine once, off of their bathroom counter. I promptly said no and left the party.
  54. My favorite beer pong partner is Court.
  55. You know how they say college is the best four years of your life? Yeah. Pretty much. Well, maybe. Either way, they were some pretty good years.
  56. I miss my dad every day of my life.
  57. BF (almost) always seems to want to talk about the sex before we get down to it…  “What do you want, baby?” “How do you want it?” While I appreciate his thoughtfulness, sometimes I wish he’d just shut up and throw me down on the bed.
  58. I love my hair being pulled in bed.
  59. My given name is from some old song my mom loves, only she spruced up the spelling. Nobody ever spells it right. I love the name, though.
  60. I’ve never dyed my hair. No highlights, nothin’.
  61. I have no idea what color my eyes are. Brown? Green? Hazel? Honey?
  62. I’m a lot on the short side. 5′ 1″.
  63. BF is right around 6′ tall. Scaredy Ex was (is still, too, I guess) about 6′. Most of my most recent flings have been right around 6′ tall. Short guys creep me out.
  64. I can’t believe sometimes how many of my classmates are married and/or have kids.
  65. But then I feel hypocritical because I want to marry BF (gasp!) and having kids actually doesn’t scare the fuck out of me.
  66. I love reruns of Law & Order: SVU and Criminal Intent, Fresh Prince, Friends and Will and Grace.
  67. I own every season of Sex and the City on DVD. And the movie.
  68. I loved The OC when it was on TV… for the first two or three seasons. But then Marissa died and I swore off the show, despite Ryan and Seth (yum).
  69. I’ve slept with more than 20 guys.
  70. I used to have a list of all of the guys I’ve slept with, but got rid of it after BF and I had been together for awhile. It just didn’t matter anymore.
  71. I’m pretty sure I couldn’t name all 20+.
  72. I dream of traveling all over the world with the man I love… but BF isn’t exactly keen on the idea. He’s actually said, when discussing going to Hawaii, “Do you know how much WATER you have to fly over to get to Hawaii?”
  73. I talk about BF too much… even though we’ve been together as long as we have, I still feel like I’m in the “honeymoon” stage of the relationship sometimes.
  74. The first thing I notice about a guy is his eyes – not the color, but the intensity and what’s behind them. Then I look at his shoes.
  75. LOLcats kills me. Love it.
  76. Call me old-fashioned, but my favorite position is missionary and its subtle variations.
  77. Doggy-style and girl-on-top are close behind.
  78. Sunflowers are pretty much my favorite flowers.
  79. But I’m a sucker for roses. I’ve only gotten them twice – once, a single rose in high school and most recently, BF surprised me with a dozen when he came to visit me in College Town.
  80. My safety drink (non-alcoholic) is iced tea. I order it out of habit, not always because I want it. But I always love it.
  81. My safety alcoholic drink is Coors Light. In a bottle, preferrably.
  82. But if you want a girl dancing on the table, give me a good Long Island iced tea.
  83. Microfleece blankets are my favorite. Have you ever wrapped yourself up in one when you’re naked? I recommend it. 
  84. I’m 100 percent convinced that just about every shirt would be cuter if it had a hood on it. I love hoodies.
  85. Love flip flops.
  86. When I love something, I really, really love it. I don’t just like something – I either don’t care or I fucking LOVE it. And that probably doesn’t make a whole hell of a lot of sense to you, but it’s pretty deep and meaningful to me.
  87. One of my most memorable birthday gifts was when my sister bought me a shit ton of strawberries (what are they called, flats? Cases? Whatever…). I love strawberries. 
  88. I love walking around the house naked. It’s liberating.
  89. But I feel sexiest, typically, in jeans, heels and a bra.
  90. I’ve kissed four girls – including Court.
  91. Another girl and I had a make-out session (her doing, she was unstoppable) while she was d-r-u-n-k. I went along with it because she had a boyfriend and I figured it was better for her to make out with me than my drunk guy friend who would not. stop. hitting. on. her. That and I couldn’t have stopped her if I tried. Talk about relentless!
  92. I’m the baby of the family and definitely act like it.
  93. I LOVE seafood. Well, shrimp, crab and lobster. And some fish but not necessarily tuna.
  94. While in College Town, I contracted chlamydia and HPV. For this reason, I know all stereotypes about STDs are complete and utter bullshit. Talk to me about it if you disagree. Or agree.
  95. I’ve never traveled outside the U.S. And I hate it.
  96. I can’t imagine being single.
  97. … and I worry sometimes that’s because I’m afraid to be alone.
  98. I’ve fooled around in Court’s living room, on a hide-a-bed, while someone was sleeping on the floor.
  99. More than once.
  100. The only time I’ve ever gotten even slightly aroused when looking at porn online (back when I used to every now and then) was when watching girl-on-girl stuff. I don’t know why and I’m not entirely comfortable with it.
  101. I’ve never used a dildo, vibrator or any other toy.
That took days to finish. Hope you enjoyed it. 🙂
XOXO
Christina