It wasn’t me

17 09 2009

When I was a junior in college, I spent a lot of my time with Daddy’s Girl. My roommate and I at the time weren’t getting along very well, so if I wasn’t in class or at work, I was with DG.

DG and I – and Court, too, when she’d come to College Town to visit/party – got into our fair share of trouble together. Nothing serious (and by that I mean no police were ever involved… but damn now that I think about it, that could have been fun) but, well, you know how college girls can be.

DG and I may or may not have made out a time or two. I may or may not have cheered her on during a wet T-shirt contest at one of the bars in College Town.

Annnnd I may or may not have hooked up with, multiple times, one of her roommates.

I should clarify here that, at that point, she lived with three males. Three very, very, VERY good looking males. She claims it was never sexual between her and any of them but I still think her and J hooked up once or twice.


This roommate of hers, I’ll call him Older Buff Guy (GAWD I’M SO FUCKING ORIGINAL), was… well, older (nearing 30), but oh-so buff and OH-SO HOT. He’s one of those nearing 30 guys who sincerely doesn’t look it – he looked more like 24. Hell, he still does. (And by the way, yes he’s still buff and still hot. Maybe even more so since I can’t have him anymore, but that’s an entirely different story.)

Anyway. (I need to stop going off on tangents like that. It makes for a long post, no?)

One Thursday night, after DG and I had gone out on the town, dancing and letting boys buy us five too many drinks, we stumbled back to her place. I’d been texting OBG (that’s a pretty horrible abbreviation for the guy, hmm) for the past few hours, and he was sexily inviting me into his room.

His room, which was right next to DG’s room.

Fuck it.

We got to the house and, luckily, DG decided she was just going to pass the eff out almost immediately. Perfect.

So, I waltzed right into OBG’s room… but I forgot the rule he’d made: No entering the bedroom unless you’re topless. I happily obliged him, seeing as he was already topless (drool) and all.

And what a night we had. That’s the night I learned that lying, face up, on top of a guy who is also lying face up, is actually a plausible (and very pleasing) sex position.

That’s also the night I learned that giving head isn’t always a horrible thing.

That’s ALSO the night I was apparently really fucking loud in bed because the next morning when I walked out of OBG’s room and ran smack dab into DG, she asked what the hell movie or TV show we watched the night before (she knew we “hung out” from time to time but to this day doesn’t know the extent of my relationship with OBG) because she heard some VERY loud sexual noises.

I just told her I had no idea because I fell asleep. … It wasn’t me.


booze & blow jobs.

15 09 2009

So about a month ago, I went on vacation with my boss, and a few of their friends and families. Picture this: a few nice cabins on the lake, lots of people, lots of food, lots of alcohol, and a little puff-puff pass.

The first night was kind of boring, I hadn’t really met anyone yet, except for the friends I already knew, so I just hung out with them and didn’t really pay attention to anyone else (even the cute boys, because I’m loyal– uh, well… mostly– and remember, I was still with STS at the time).

The 2nd night, I was a little bitter with STS. I was pissed that he hadn’t come to see me yet, even though he was off work, so I drank a little, got to know a few more of the people I was hanging out with, danced on the boat with the girls a little, skinny-dipped a little, and drank a little more. Throughout the night, a guy about my age– we’ll call him Lake Hunk– and I had been eye-fucking. All the 20-somethings were in one of the cabins while all the parental units were sound asleep. We decided it was definitely time to take straight vodka shots. I know what you’re thinking: awesome idea. So, we take some shots, then take a few more, then take a couple tequila shots, and by this time, I was chasing my shots with Dr. Pepper & Jack not realizing there was Jack in there until someone pointed out that they had handed me their mixer instead of plain soda because they were looking forward to seeing the drunk side of Court, since they hadn’t seen too much of it so far that week. 

After the shots, we started on margaritas and all decided to change cabins and go to a bigger one to play some Mexican Train (dominos). I plopped down on the couch, and who else but Lake Hunk sits next to me. Then someone on the other side of him, and someone on the other side of me, leaving not too much room in the middle of us. We played a little footsie, flirted a bit, and then agreed to meet each other outside casually in 5 minutes. While he grabbed us some margaritas to-go, I headed over to my cabin to get a sweatshirt. When I walked out, I saw Lake Hunk walking out of the door of the Mexi-Train cabin. He saw me, smiled, and headed my way. We met and decided it would be a good idea to sit in the patio boat with our drinks. As soon as we got there, I also had the idea that skinny-dipping would be the best idea (this is where I get a little sketchy on the whole “loyal” thing…). So, I shed my clothes and dove in. Lake Hunk was in there right after me! We decided it was freezing, so he wrapped his naked body around me for a bit, then we climbed back into the patio boat and sat down for another drink (sans clothes). Sitting down lead to lying down, still naked, groping each other all over the place, and seeing more shooting stars than I’d seen in my life in one night! It was pretty awesome, to be honest. Lake Hunk tried kissing me, but I realized what a horrible person I was being to STS, and told him I was in a relationship and didn’t think it was the best idea, (even though I’d already shown this guy my naked body, and now his hands were wrapped around me, laying down in the boat, watching the stars) and he tried a couple more times, but I wouldn’t let him (and honestly, if I could do it again, I think I would have let him).

We ended up going in for another swim for a few minutes, then got out and went back to the cabins to get dressed and get warmer clothes on. We decided that we’d meet at the chair swing in a few minutes. After changing, I walked out of my cabin, I stumbled down the first stair. Forgetting there was another one, and the ankle that had missed the first step met the second step, and the next thing I knew, I had a sprained ankle. Fuck. But, I was so drunk, I didn’t even care. I stumbled (which was fine, since I was drunk, he didn’t even notice) down to the chair swing and had a seat. Lake Hunk joined me moments later with a little mary jane. We sat on the swing for a while, talked (don’t ask me what about, because I have no clue), groped each other… and then all toxins kicked in and we were ready to pass out. The one thing I do remember him asking was, “am i bigger than your boyfriend?” Interesting…

The next morning, I was in pain. Luckily, a doctor was staying in one of the cabins and he checked my poor ankle. He diagnosed me with a sprained ankle and told me to stay off of it as much as possible. I pretty much hung out at the cabin for the rest of the day reading books and playing Mexi Train with people who stayed in from jet-skiing and wakeboarding. STS stopped by for a few minutes, watched a game of dominos, didn’t ask how my ankle was, even though it was up on a chair, and I was pretty livid that I hadn’t seen him for a while. We didn’t talk a whole lot, and then he left so that he could go to work. I called him a little later and told him I didn’t feel like things were going very well with our relationship, and he agreed, and we ended it (I know, I know, over the phone– tacky) mutually.

Lake Hunk and I eye-fucked lots more that week, but didn’t end up doing anything until I had an empty cabin and he came to hang out and watch TV for a bit. Watching TV turned into him asking me “you want to know how big it is, don’t you?” And of course, I agreed. I had been thinking about it ever since we had skinny-dipped, and I was pissed off that I couldn’t remember anything about it since I was so drunk, and he knew it. I unzipped his pants, and gave him a blow job that lasted approximately 2 minutes. If that. What a disappointment. And I know what you’re wondering, “Well? How big was he, Court?” He was a little smaller than MBD. Even bigger disappointment that it didn’t go further! We had to head back to the other cabin so no one started to wonder where we went!

Should I feel bad about “cheating” on STS if I felt like things were going to end anyway?

tfln of the day: (706): If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore

exes and oh!s,

I’ll take my clothes off, and it will be shameless…

12 01 2009

I’ve got my shower routine down like it’s nobody’s business (unless someone else happens to be in there, which sadly hasn’t the case lately): Turn cold water on 5% of the way. Turn hot water on 95% of the way. Step in. Stand in blazing hot water for a while. Shampoo hair. Rinse. Condition hair. Buff lipsWash faceShave arm pits. Shave legs. Rinse conditioner. Wash body. 15-20 minutes later, I’m out, drying off.

My point is that… the shower is boring, because the moment I step into the shower, I know what I’m going to do. Therefore, while going through the routine, I often have random thoughts in my head. Let’s take this afternoon’s morning’s shower for instance, my thoughts were:
– (while washing hair) Hmm, almost out of shampoo. Oh! Backup shampoo in the cupboard. What movies did I get for Christmas again?
– (while conditioning hair) Does it even matter how long I leave this stuff in? Probably not. I should get the new Nickelback CD.
– (buffing lips) What’s this stuff even made of? Sugar? Peppermint? Mmm. Tastes good! Probably a waste of money because my lips are usually smooth, but oh well. Must be because of this stuff. I should definitely have some of that tea (that I haven’t thought about for a year, but just happened to pop into my mind while I’m in here)!

– (washing face) This stuff smells like… I can’t even place the smell. It’s like, guy-ish, but not. Wtf is this? Whatever. Makes my face smooth. Right, it was loveactually and Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.
– (while shaving) Note to self: Need more shaving cream. Wait, why didn’t I get that at the store yesterday when I was there? Grr. And how can women seriously NOT shave their arm pits? That’s just gross. Shit! I forgot to send Chaz & Nelson a Christmas card! Damnit!
– (rinsing out conditioner) Ahh. Soft hair. I really should go to the gym. I mean, there has got to be a decent-looking guy around here somewhere, and what better place to find one than at the gym? I. Need. To. Get. Some.
– (washing body) Mmm! This new stuff Christina told me to try is awesome! I almost want to eat it. But I won’t. Note to self: Go to the store for ruby red grapefruit juice. And maybe some vanilla frozen yogurt with gummi bears.

Moral of this post? Who the fuck thinks about that kind of shit in the shower? Seriously. Wtf.

exes and oh!s,