no sex for… me, apparently.

8 09 2009

I was tickled pink to see that I got a response from people on my last post! So glad people are helping me think of things to write about! Keep it going!

The question was by Miss Rambles: What is the longest either have you have gone with NO sex?

I mean, who really likes to talk about the lack of sex in their life? It’s just not fun. So when I saw the question, I had to definitely pick at my brain to think of the last time I was in a serious sex rut. I’ve always been pretty good at gettin’ some.

Let me break this down for you: When things went to shit with Asshole Ex before I broke up with him, I went on a “no-sex” strike– not really sure who I was punishing more, really–which was probably for a month, maybe more. But as soon as I moved back home, Christina invited me to College Town, like the good friend she is, and I’m almost positive I broke the streak the second visit. After that it was really twice a month, I’m guessing, that I was in College Town visiting Christina and fucking on her living room floor (well, maybe it wasn’t the floor everytime…). After that I found a boyfriend in Big Town it was a pretty regular thing– but that was The Facemaker, so I had to put an end to that one. Also dated Christina’s boyfriend’s brother, who lived a couple hours away, so I’d get some about every other weekend. After many failed relationships, I decided that since I had built relationships with guys in Big Town, I might as well use that to my advantage… so I had my share of fuck-buddies there for a while, and was for sure getting action at least once a month until I moved. Ugh. I was in a pretty huge sex drought, I moved in November, Mr. Cling helped a little once or twice in November/December, and after that I stopped seeing him for obvious reasons and was without sex until I met STS, which was probably about 2 months. So… to answer your question: 2 months. Does that make me a whore? And what’s the longest you have all gone without hiding the sausage (or in some cases, little smokies)?

Let’s not even get started on my current situation, though. I’m starting on a long streakas we speak. STS and I broke up in early August, and I’m pretty sure the last time we got down and dirty was a day or so before, so I’m working on a good month right now. And I actually think I’m becoming a bit depressed even thinking about it. Fuck me.

tfln of the day: (619): thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina

Teaser: My next post I’ll be answering Christina’s question, “have you ever, I dunno, gotten drunk on a boat with a boy you only recently met and gone skinnydipping with some illegal substances maybe (or maybe not) involved?” She obviously knows more than you. And you aren’t gonna wanna miss this.



How could I fucking forget?

8 02 2009

Have you noticed that I love the word fuck?  Especially in my post titles? Well, if you hadn’t… I love it.

How could I have forgotten to post that I GOT THE PURSE YESTERDAY! Woohoo! I wrote in the journal right away to make sure I remembered to note the fact that Mr. Cling is so totally far out of my life that I’m considering deleting him as a friend on myspace/facebook–GASP– and that Smaller Town Stud is so far IN my life that I actually made a comment about the future  to Christina earlier. I know. Wow. Anyway, I’ve got it!  It’s all mine, Christina! I’ve missed it so. And I’m actually planning on sending it back to her sooner than we’ve been exchanging because of the fact that it felt like she had it for 3 months, when in reality it was a little less than a month. So I’m gonna say 2 weeks is a good time to have it for.

Anyway, I’m pretty excited that I’ll have it for Valentines Day. Even though I’m not sure exactly what my plans are going to be yet. I think Christina has been talking with STS to make sure he knows that I’m a not-s0-closet-hopeless-romantic.

Any ideas on what to get a guy for Valentines Day?

exes and oh!s,

A little less sixteen candles, a little more touch me

16 01 2009

For starters, let me just say I’m horrible at this whole keeping-you-all-up-to-date-on-my-life crap. 

Let me fill you in on the past few days, quickly:

  1. Mr. Cling is overly jealous that I have other friends (girls & boys, apparently), and that I comment them on myspace/facebook more than I comment him.
  2. I fucking finally got a gym membership! So, that should be probably a waste of money.
  3. Watched Season 1, disc 1 of The Hills. Made me remember why I’ve always hated Heidi (& why I loved Whit from the start).
  4. Went to Wal*Mart on Sunday to pick up some photos that I had uploaded at
  5. Got carried away shopping for shampoo, conditioner, lotion, etc. and forgot to pick up the effing photos! Grr.
  6. Found cute boy in Smaller Town.
  7. Have date with said boy Friday night. 

Wait, what?! …you heard me! I’ve got a live one on the line! I’m back in business, baby! Although, I did have to have to have Christina approve of the guy, seeing as how I haven’t seen a cute guy here before, I was afraid he wasn’t as good-looking as I thought.

Conversation with Christina (we tend to talk about 7 random things throughout our conversations, so bear with us):

*Me: so, mr. cling’s still jealous.
*Christina: are you sure he doesn’t have a vagina?
*Me: it didn’t look like a strap-on to me.
*Christina: wtf is wrong with him? 
*Me: everything, at this point. oh! [insert Smaller Town Stud’s myspace link] you need to tell me what you think.
*Christina: i think he’s cute!
*Me: okay. i wasn’t sure if it was me because i haven’t seen a cute guy here before.
*Christina: lmfao, that’s fuckin’ hilarious.
*Me: i started reading marley & me!
*Me: don’t make fun of my lack of sex. he’s 6’3″!
*Christina: yay! what page are you on?
*Me: …13. but i’m still really excited!
*Christina:  i saw that! …it’s weird to me that he’s our age, i’m kinda used to you hittin’ up the older guys
*Christina: does he live with mommy & daddy? please say not with mommy & daddy.
*Me: not with mommy & daddy. did i mention volunteer firefighter? fuck me now.

So, basically, this guy sounds pretty legit. And I’m excited about the fact that he barely knows me, and is wanting to go out for pizza (mmmm!) tomorrow night. Wish I had the purse for some extra luck, but I’ll have to remember to write about it in the journal when it comes my way.

I wouldn’t have minded a movie at his house. I mean, that would be closer to his bed, no?

exes and oh!s,

thnks fr th mmrs.

9 01 2009

Alright, so it’s been a while since I’ve filled you all in on the situation with Mr. Cling and myself, and a little history:

We’ve known eachother since high school, but didn’t talk much those days, so basically when we found eachother again, we were pretty much starting fresh. This was the middle of September. I moved to Smaller Town in October, and we were, what I call “seeing” each other for, maybe the last couple of weeks or so (and by my definition of seeing… that means we aren’t dating, and we can see other people).

Now, let me just start off by saying, Mr. Cling is a nice guy. Just a little too nice. After checking my mail on Tuesday, I found a card* from Mr. Cling. Interesting. My thoughts: Did I forget my own birthday? Thank you card for the Christmas present? New Years card maybe?  No. It was none of these. It was an effing “I love you” card. Uh… Really? After 2 weeks, huh? 


This just really… creeped me out. I liked the guy, and then he went and had to send me this card telling me he loves me and I’m the only one for him after “seeing” each other for 2 weeks?

Am I over-reacting? I feel like I sort of am, but given that I’m not really interested in commitment right now, this was just the last straw. I couldn’t take it anymore. I was trying too hard to like the guy. 

So long, Mr. Cling.

*Which had the wrong use of ‘your’ in it… Mr. Cling, “your” is possessive, meaning “your card was un-necessary”. The correct grammar for this would be “you’re” which is a contraction, a combination of “you” and “are” as in “you’re kind of moving too fast for me seeing as how I thought we were just ‘seeing’ each other.”

Oh, also, MBD texted me the other day for some dirty talk, and ended up sending me a picture of his over-sized pecker. Can’t complain much about that.

exes and oh!s,

Drama, anyone? (& last week’s Fuck me Friday)

31 12 2008

Don’t you just love it when you start to like a guy, and some Jealous Bitch comes and ruins everything over an effing myspace message? And who the hell are you to believe– the guy who you just started to like, or the girl who you barely know that claims they aren’t just friends? I feel like I’m in the fourth grade and some girl just passed me a note saying “Billy told me he wanted to play on the jungle gym with me at recess instead of you” or something just as ridiculous. Seriously, I start to actually LIKE Mr. Cling, and along comes Jealous Bitch at full force. However, he did bring a good point on himself… I usually talk to him throughout the day pretty much until he goes to bed anyway, hence the Cling.

On to last week’s Fuck Me Friday, since Christina & I both forgot:

I’ll keep it short, simple & sexy:

David Beckham: ahhh.

Don’t worry, guys– I didn’t forget you!

Jennifer Aniston: damn, girl.

exes and oh!s,

Let’s hear it for the boy…

29 12 2008

Seriously. I’ve been meaning to post but haven’t been able to, as Christina said, because I’m an idiot who left her laptop at home when she left for holiday. That being said, I’m using my Blackberry for this post, because I’m going through withdrawals. Forgive me.

Anyways– quick update! I went and spent a night with Mr. Cling this past week, and I’ve gotta say: I’m starting to like the guy. After subtly letting him know I felt I was being smothered by text-messages and 20-questioning, he’s actually simmered down enough for me to see that he’s a good guy! We had a nice movie night that ended in a nice romp session (or two…and another the next morning) –and a little oral in between. Needless to say, I’ve had a nice, fulfilling vacation. 🙂

Sorry for the disappearing act! I had to call Christina the other day to make sure she was still alive, too, since I haven’t been online to stalk her, even!

exes and oh!‘s,

Fuck me Friday! #1

20 12 2008
I know, I know. It’s past midnight, so it’s technically Saturday, but I couldn’t go to sleep without doing my first “Fuck Me Friday!”.

So… For tonight’s topic: Who do I want to fuck? Well, honestly… if I had it my way today, I would have taken my boss’ daughter’s friend for a welcome fuck after I picked him up from the airport. Unfortunately, all I got from him was a shit load of not-so-innocent flirting. Hey, he seemed into it– I just wasn’t about to do that. Not until I know they’re not dating, anyways. 🙂

‘Tis life. Luckily I get to go home next week and maybe I’ll get a little action there. I might have to call up Mr. Cling if I get desperate!

Alright, so onto who I’d like to fuck (other than of the hot ass Les Schwab guys that came running to me when I was getting my tires changed?) Dermot Mulroney. Ahhhh. You know what? Who the hell cares if he’s 45. I’d do him. And don’t tell me you wouldn’t. Who knew that the boat love scene in The Wedding Date could be so hot when you don’t see cock & boobs? I said it once and I’ll say it again: I’d fuck him in a heartbeat.

If you see Dermot, point him in my direction…
exes and oh!‘s,