11 09 2009

Let’s say, theoretically, you and your boyfriend (guys, just go with it) have been together for 2+ years. And let’s say, theoretically, you’ve lived together for over a year.

You’ve talked about marriage, babies and growing old together. And he’s seen you naked more than any other living being. You know, theoretically.

Let’s say this boyfriend of yours get a text message one Friday night while you’re hanging out. The text is from an oooold friend of his. An old friend who happens to be female.

Let’s say you’re okay with this.

But this old friend? Also happens to be the sister of your boyfriend’s EX-FUCKING-GIRLFRIEND. Who he was with for a total of 4-something years.


And let’s say, when he responds to this text message (knowing his ex is with the sister, who text messaged him), he says something to the effect of, “Just hanging out.” No mention of you.

How would you, theoretically, feel?


Dirty little secret

9 05 2009

We all have one.

Whether we like being tied up in bed, watch reruns of Seventh Heaven faithfully or didn’t really have a headache last night… we all have secrets.

But there’s a difference between little secrets and dirty little secrets.

I love my job. And I’m all about women’s equality in the world – the workplace, at home, everywhere. I think if a woman cooks, the man should clean up after dinner. If a woman’s going to put all the laundry a way, the man sure as hell better have made sure the clothes made into the washer and from the washer to the dryer.

It’s just fair.

But my dirty little secret, one I will not readily admit to anybody in my life (except maybe BF… and Court, of course), is that…

I want babies.

I want to be married and a mom.

And I want to be a stay at home mom/wife.

Yeck. That was SO hard for me to type.

Soooo not sexy, right? I know. Fuck.

What’s your dirty little secret?


The amazing, disappearing Christina!

21 02 2009

Holy. Shit.

Where the hell have I been? What the hell have I been doing?

And most importantly, why the fuck haven’t I been blogging or reading blogs or doing anything with you lovely people?

I’ll tell you. But relax, it’s nothing exciting.

Just, you know, breaking almost every single girl rule I ever had for myself.

I’m far from a single girl but there are certain things I told myself I’d never do. Completely lose myself in a relationship, for instance. Or telling BF not (yes, NOT) to buy me a diamond ring for Valentine’s Day unless it was an engagement ring (!). That’s a double whammy right there, holy shit.

Just so you know, I didn’t get a diamond ring for Valentine’s Day. And I’m still not sure if I’m happy about that or not. Go figure.

I did, however, get a dozen roses with a few lillies mixed in, as well as a card that made me absolutely cry:

(front, with a picture of a couple hugging, with the man’s back facing the front of the card, and you can’t see either’s face, but they’re both brunette, like the BF and I) “Your love makes my world a beautiful place to be.”

(inside, printed in the card) “With you by my side, I know that I have everything anyone could ever want – someone who’s understanding and supportive, who’s fun and interesting… someone I love who also happens to be my best friend. Happy Valentine’s Day”

(inside, hand-written) “Christina, I will love you forever and ever and then some. BF”

Sounds like your typical lovey-dovey Valentine’s Day card, eh? I think it was the “best friend” part that caused the eye leakage. Oh, and I got a stuffed animal (also typical lovey-dovey Valentine’s day), a dog with a little pink heart, and a digital camera!

Which leads me to… my half of y’all getting up in my personal biz-naz.

Here are the rules:

  1. Post a picture of whatever bag you are carrying as of late. No, you can’t go into your closet and pull out your favorite purse! We want to know what you carried today or the last time you left the house.
  2. List how much it cost. And this is not to judge. This is for entertainment purposes only. So spill it. And if there is a story to go along with how you obtained it, we’d love to hear it.
  3. Show us what’s in your purse. Spill it out! Take pictures! Tell us what it is!
  4. Tag some chicks.

First, here’s my purse. Lucky me, Courtney still has The Purse, so this really is the one I’m using right now


I honestly can’t remember how much I paid for it, but I got it at Vanity… I think. God, my memory is horrible. I’ve had it for a few years, and bought it back when I still lived in College Town.


Inside are: current proof of car insurance (that I keep forgetting to actually leave in my car), sent from my mom, complete with her hand-written note that it goes in the Jetta; my purple leather wallet, black daily planner, black Mary Kay bag that I keep pens and tampons in, striped makeup baggy with lipgloss and other miscellaneous girly items (I took a separate picture of that stuff, we’ll get to it in a minute), Vanilla Bean Noel lotion from Bath and Body Works, Equate extra strength headache relief (Excedrin knock-off) because I get migraines like you wouldn’t believe and no this shit doesn’t really work, some mint candies from our Secret Santa at work, a packet of business cards, powder compact and a Walmart receipt.


In my makeup bag of goodies: bobby pins, Clean & Clear Oil Absorbing Sheets, Bath and Body Works Raspberry Plum lip balm, Mary Kate and Ashley ultra wet lip gloss in some pinkish color, some cover up, Victoria’s Secret Beauty Rush lip gloss in watermelon? I think, Victoria’s Secret Beauty Rush lip gloss in Strawberry Fizz (that one still had the sticker on it), some other lip gloss (don’t ask who made it or what color it is other than “pink”), Sassy Sweet Cherry lip gloss from Maurices, Tutti Dolci Sugar Wafter lip gloss, a couple little tubs with the word “nibblers” in the name (I think? again, no stickers) from a Passions party, Bath and Body Works Sparkling Melon lip balm, cherry-flavored “Chap-Ice” (honestly, it’s Chapstick… or however you spell it… come on.), some Carmex, another thing of cover up and a hair tie.

Whew. After that, I need a drink. And I’m not taggin’ anyone.

Also, I promise it won’t be three fucking years until I post again… and the next post will include some fucking.


so… we fucked.

2 02 2009

119 unread Google Reader items. And that doesn’t count the ones that I skimmed through reading on Wednesday, and got marked as read.

I suck at this game. I was so busy with work last two weeks, that I forgot to do laundry, leaving me lacking in the thong department. Luckily I don’t have a problem with going commando. Did I mention that I’m also sick with an effing cold, and this morning when I woke up my right eye was closed shut, leaving me to have to wear my ridiculously geeky glasses today?

Let  me just catch you up with my life, as it is currently. Smaller Town Stud and I are officially boyfriend/girlfriend. Mr. Cling flipped out on me. I refrained from having sex with STS as long as I could, and I think it was actually the longest I’ve ever waited to have sex with someone (I never did tell you all about the guy who owned the New York Pizza shop that I gave my phone number to after seeing him one day, and the next day I was stark naked, having sex with him in his parent’s house in front of the huge window in the front of the house for all to see — but now you know). Anyway… so, 13 days into knowing STS, I decided to give-it-a-go. 

Now… from what STS had told me, he hadn’t had sex in 2 years. Not because he didn’t want to, but because there wasn’t anyone around this shitty-ass town that he would even have considered doing the deed with. So… when I brought up the subject, he said he wanted to wait until I was ready. Shit. I was born ready! But, I did wait for as long as I could (psh, 1 day short of 2 weeks. Is that sad that I couldn’t wait any longer than that??).

Well, we did it. We didn’t finish, but we did it. You see, I’m not sure exactly what the deal was. I know he was enjoying it. His face showed it, his “OH MY GOD”s showed it, his movement showed it, but… his dick… didn’t understand the whole concept that it needed to be firm for the whole act. I mean, it would go in and out of limp-ness. STS felt terrible. He re-assured me he was having an awesome time, but he couldn’t finish, and I sure as hell couldn’t finish with what I was working with. After 45 minutes, we both laid down and I told him I had a good time regardless, and he shouldn’t feel bad.

Christina assured me that he cares deeply about me and that it was probably nerves. Ladies, gentleman… comments? Suggestions?

Moving on… I missed out on Fuck Me Friday, and Sex Position Sunday. So… here you are:

Fuck Me Friday:

Colin Farrell. Yum. Accent = yuuuuuuuuuuuuum.


and Elisha Cuthbert for the men:


Oh, and Sex Position Sunday? 

Mastery. With great face-to-face contact, Mastery is a very intimate position that’s great for those that like to do a lot of kissing during intercourse. To get into the position the receiver simply sits on their sitting partner facing them. Unfortunately, when performed as illustrated, the position isn’t great for generating vertical movement, so if you want to experience the full effect (as shown in the ratings below), make sure to try it on a stool or chair that lets the receiver get a good footing.

exes and oh!s,

Ask and you shall receive

20 01 2009

So many (all two of you) asked to hear about my fling with Christian Gal’s ex that I decided it was finally time for me to share.

First, a little background: Christian Gal and I have been friends since before Court and I actually became close. We’re still pretty close and, despite our religious differences, I consider her one of my close girlfriends. Christian Gal was also my first roommate in college – we lived together in the dorms our first year there and we got our first apartment together (with two other girls, including Daddy’s Girl, formerly known as Short-haired Girl).

Christian Gal and I met a group of guys living on the floor above us (gotta love co-ed dorms) shortly after we started our first semester in College Town. To tell you the truth, quite a few of my tales will be based on this group of guys. Anyway, CG’s Ex was in that group. They dated for awhile after CG broke up with her high school boyfriend and it got somewhat serious (and I got locked out of our dorm room many times while they fucked) before she ended up leaving him to go back to her high school boyfriend.

Enter Christina. CG’s Ex and I had become pretty good friends while CG and him dated (and I was fucking a couple of his friends, but that’s a different story) and when they broke up I was totally irritated with CG and on CG’s Ex’s side. (I know, what a friend, right? But honestly it was bullshit.)

So I spent time with CG’s Ex to console him. We went to parties together and when I didn’t feel comfortable bumpin’ and grindin’ with anybody else and while he was still licking his wounds from CG, we’d dance at these parties. Remember the dancing Court talked about before? Yeah, that kind of dancing. It was hot. Did I mention CG’s Ex is totally cute? Tall, great smile, amazing sense of humor and a great body.

One night after one of these parties – and a fuckton of flirting, by the way… but that was a sort of ongoing thing at these parties we’d go to… two, sometimes three nights a week, every week… – all the parties were dying down at about 3 or 4 a.m. So we decided to head back to the dorm and hang out. Not in my room, obviously, so we went to his room. Talked and hung out for awhile and somehow ended up in bed together.

It was innocent but we were definitely in bed together. That’s where we finally kissed for the first time (tingles! There were definitely tingles in places I shouldn’t be tingling after kissing the ex of a friend I shouldn’t be kissing) and that’s where we almost fell asleep together.

The kiss was one of those kisses that makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up. You know, the kind that instantly makes you want to rip your (and his/her) clothes off and just fuckin’ go for it.

I hate to ruin what could be a good story, but that’s all that happened, folks. But damn, what a kiss.

Yeah, I was about as disappointed as you. Actually no, WAY. MORE. disappointed. You know how your body starts to go through all those natural processes when it’s preparing for intercourse? Yeah mine was definitely there. Hell, it was there before I was in bed with him. This guy got me going.

Things slowed down after that with CG’s Ex and I. Partly because I felt guilty (but not guilty enough to stop) but mostly because I think he just felt too awkward about it.

To this day I wish more had happened and I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t cross my mind every now and then when I see his status updates on Facebook.

Speaking of Facebook, I just saw some new photos CG posted with a bunch of guys I don’t know… including a drool-worthy black man. Damn, she always meets the hotties…


Is this too cleavage-y for an interview?

19 12 2008

I’ve been interviewed by that damn expat (her adjective, not mine). Granted, it was pretty voluntary (see rules below), but I’m still excited!

First, the rules:
1. Leave me a comment saying, “Interview me.” (Did that.)
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions – I get to the pick the questions. (That too.)
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions. (That’s coming up.)
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post. (Currently happening.)
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions. (You got it.)

And now, the interview!

All I know about you is that you live in a small town and have a fun best friend. Tell me more about yourself, in five sentences or less.

I’m the youngest of three – my brother and sister (both technically my half siblings – different fathers) are 6 and 8 years older than me, respectively. For the better part of all of our childhoods, my mother raised us on her own… thus we’re very close and I’ve never considered them my half-siblings. My dad died in a car wreck when I was 16 (on his way to see me for my birthday) and I’m pretty sure that trauma has a lot to do with the shenanigans of my high school and college careers. I’m the first in my family to earn a four-year degree. I love avocados, green olives, Caesar salad and dill pickle-flavored Spitz (sunflower seeds).

If you were a Sex and the City character, which character would you be?

Even though I most closely resemble Charlotte physically, I’m fairly certain (along with about 97% of the rest of the female population) Carrie is, like, my kindred spirit. I fancy myself a writer (in fact, my bachelor’s is in a writing-related field and I work at a writing-type place), am neurotic and my hair, when I don’t straighten it, tends to be a bit wild and out-of-control. Though I have to say, I do have a bit of Miranda’s cynicism as well.

If you were a Sweetest Thing character, which character would you be?

Christina. (In case we didn’t make it clear, Courtney and Christina aren’t our real names. They’re completely based on the movie The Sweetest Thing.) Even though I’m nowhere near as tall or skinny or blonde as Cameron Diaz in that movie, I’m most like Christina. Though… now that I think about it, if I were that tall, I would be that skinny. Just stretch me out and tada! If for no other reason, I’d say I “am” Christina because when she gets upset about something, she feels the need to go out dancing. There are a million other thing we have in common, but my brain hurts from a long day at work.

What is your one favorite thing about your boyfriend?

The hardest question! There are countless things I absolutely adore about him, including the way I’ve never been left wanting more in the sex department (seriously, he’s always willing to do anything I want!) and the way he gets along so well with my family, friends and co-workers. But maybe the best thing about him is how he puts up with all my shit. I’m right about just about everything, obviously (hint hint wink wink), but on the rare occasion I get all Carrie-neurotic and Miranda-cynical and all-around menopausal-girl-crazy – have I mentioned I tend to have mood swings and have a serious (serious.) anger problem? – he always puts up with it. Sure, he throws out the occasional “fuck this,” but he always ends up calming me down and telling me how much, despite it all, he loves me. Oh, and he wants to marry me. Maybe that’s my favorite thing.

Tell me one thing you love and one thing you hate about yourself.

Psh. What’s not to love? Aside from my amazing sense of humor (and fashion) and killer good looks, I think I’m most proud of where I am in life. I’m a college grad with a good job that I love (and is exactly what I went to school for), living with my boyfriend (in sin! I’m so going to hell) and we have a house, a yard, way too many vehicles, some very adorable pets and only minimal debt. I’ve got it together.

And my least favorite thing is that I fall apart. Like I mentioned a minute ago, I have some pretty severe anger problems and mood swings that surface from time to time and I hate myself when I’m like that. It’s that uncontrollable shit you always read about but never really think can be true. I’m a complete bitch for absolutely no reason. It gets so bad that sometimes I wonder if I should see a doctor about it, get some meds and chill the fuck out. But by the time that all crosses my mind, it’s over with. I’m sane again. I’d like to be (relatively) sane all the time.

There you have it. I’m apparently a little on the wordy side tonight (or maybe that’s just in general… hey, I said I fancy myself a writer, didn’t I?) so please forgive. Also I’m extremely PG tonight, too (no sex or coming or dick-licking or anything, wtf?!) so forgive me for that, too.

I’m kind of killing two birds with one stone here, but I have a quick poll for you guys. Which story from my past would you like to hear next….
A (somewhat but maybe not-so-) quick recap of my shenanigans with First Love?
The first time I slept with a black guy?*
The first time I slept with an Asian guy?**
OR my fling with Christian Gal’s (a college roommate of mine) ex-boyfriend… while I lived with Christian Gal?

* Have I mentioned I’m white?
** And Hick Town is, if you couldn’t tell by the name, pretty much 100% white?



11 12 2008

Christ. We’ve got a stage five clinger.

You know what I’m talking about. You knowww. The guy who is text messaging you at least every 30 minutes of the day… Is he worried that you’ve become un-interested in him because the last “what are you up to?” they sent 29 minutes ago didn’t get a response? Really? Let me just say that I hope you have Verizon, Mr. Cling, because honestly, I can’t afford your 839 texts a day.

Okay, so I might be over-exaggerating a tad about the “839 texts”– but the rest is accurate.

But really, Mr. Cling. I’m trying not to lead you on. Sure, we had some good sex. Not great, but it was alright– and by that, I mean that you could have lasted a little…lot longer. What I was thinking was just some nice goodbye sex, has brought me to realization that I might have gotten my farewell hump from the wrong fella. And to be completely honest with you, if it weren’t for recently finding out about your clinginess, I would have actually been interested. But I can tell you right now, it’s not looking good on your end.

I must say that I’m a tad jealous of those in relationships; always having someone there for them– physically & emotionally… Not having to deal with the above referenced men… But I’ve also learned to be picky. So I’m doing just that… but we all know we’ve gotta test drive the car before we buy it, so I’ll work on that for now– and maybe start taking the speed limit into consideration.

exes and oh!‘s,