no sex for… me, apparently.

8 09 2009

I was tickled pink to see that I got a response from people on my last post! So glad people are helping me think of things to write about! Keep it going!

The question was by Miss Rambles: What is the longest either have you have gone with NO sex?

I mean, who really likes to talk about the lack of sex in their life? It’s just not fun. So when I saw the question, I had to definitely pick at my brain to think of the last time I was in a serious sex rut. I’ve always been pretty good at gettin’ some.

Let me break this down for you: When things went to shit with Asshole Ex before I broke up with him, I went on a “no-sex” strike– not really sure who I was punishing more, really–which was probably for a month, maybe more. But as soon as I moved back home, Christina invited me to College Town, like the good friend she is, and I’m almost positive I broke the streak the second visit. After that it was really twice a month, I’m guessing, that I was in College Town visiting Christina and fucking on her living room floor (well, maybe it wasn’t the floor everytime…). After that I found a boyfriend in Big Town it was a pretty regular thing– but that was The Facemaker, so I had to put an end to that one. Also dated Christina’s boyfriend’s brother, who lived a couple hours away, so I’d get some about every other weekend. After many failed relationships, I decided that since I had built relationships with guys in Big Town, I might as well use that to my advantage… so I had my share of fuck-buddies there for a while, and was for sure getting action at least once a month until I moved. Ugh. I was in a pretty huge sex drought, I moved in November, Mr. Cling helped a little once or twice in November/December, and after that I stopped seeing him for obvious reasons and was without sex until I met STS, which was probably about 2 months. So… to answer your question: 2 months. Does that make me a whore? And what’s the longest you have all gone without hiding the sausage (or in some cases, little smokies)?

Let’s not even get started on my current situation, though. I’m starting on a long streakas we speak. STS and I broke up in early August, and I’m pretty sure the last time we got down and dirty was a day or so before, so I’m working on a good month right now. And I actually think I’m becoming a bit depressed even thinking about it. Fuck me.

tfln of the day: (619): thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina

Teaser: My next post I’ll be answering Christina’s question, “have you ever, I dunno, gotten drunk on a boat with a boy you only recently met and gone skinnydipping with some illegal substances maybe (or maybe not) involved?” She obviously knows more than you. And you aren’t gonna wanna miss this.



And if you don’t like it, you can go (back) to hell

9 01 2009
I’m not usually the follower type, but I liked Court’s so much I just had to make a list myself.

I’m pretty much going to follow hers, so you all can get to know the same stuff about us… so you’ll notice some similarities. And you’ll also kind of get a feel for the way Court and I interact, because some of the items on here are basically reactions to her list. You may call it a cop-out, I call it a time saver. I’m a busy girl, get off me.
101 things you’re gonna wish you didn’t know about Christina:
  1. My favorite color is black.
  2. I’m a Mountain Dew addict.
  3. BF is the only boyfriend I’ve ever had who I haven’t cheated on.
  4. I looooooove pizza.
  5. Men turn me on.
  6. Guys who can play the guitar make me wet.
  7. Australian accent, please.
  8. I used to be really sarcastic, but now… extreme sarcasm will make me want to punch you in the face.
  9. I love shoes. God, I love shoes.
  10. And purses. God, I love purses.
  11. I, too, love PostSecret. And have sent a secret or two in… but have yet to see them published.
  12. At least, I think I sent them… I know I made them. Let’s hope I sent them.
  13. I’ve been in love twice. BF and First Love.
  14. I’ve told more than two guys I’ve loved them, though. But not because I didn’t feel it… at the time, I thought I was in love. Hindsight is always 20/20, though.
  15. Growing up, I never thought I’d be the girl who spends more than an hour getting ready, owns more than 50 pairs of shoes, can’t keep track of all her purses… and here I am.
  16. It’s “yeah” when it’s a synonym for “yes,” and “ya” when it’s a synonym for “you.”
  17. I know “ain’t” ain’t a word, but I use it anyway. Same with y’all.
  18. No, I’m not from the South.
  19. I’ve been called a grammar/punctuation nazi.
  20. I love newspapers.
  21. I heart all things Victoria’s Secret. Unlike Court, I don’t discriminate (though the V-string thongs are nice).
  22. I’ve never fooled around in any way with any co-worker. At all.
  23. I’ve never – and would put money on it that I will never – have a threesome. I’m too greedy.
  24. I’ve been to entirely too many family members’ funerals. Fuck death.
  25. I don’t trust people enough.
  26. I haven’t said the phrase, “Facebook me!” since I left College Town, but I said it almost daily when I was there.
  27. I miss my phone with the full qwerty keyboard. God, do I miss it.
  28. I cry all. the. fucking. time.
  29. Sometimes I think I’m bi-polar – seriously, I know the gravity of the disorder. I can be perfectly happy one minute, then blacking out from rage the next. I call it The Crazy. Then I stop PMSing and I’m good for the rest of the month.
  30. I don’t smile enough. Especially at work. God, do I get stressed at work.
  31. BF hates the smell of Febreze. I love it.
  32. Fuck deja vu.
  33. I pretend it’s not true, but I should probably get glasses soon. And I definitely shouldn’t be allowed to drive at night (and I avoid it as much as possible) becaus I can’t see shit.
  34. The only way I can stand being around BF’s brother is after I’ve had at least a couple drinks. He brings out The Rage in me.
  35. Makeup sex is better when you’re in love.
  36. I, too, love black eyeliner. But I’d go without it before I’d go without mascara.
  37. I wear the eyeliner mostly because growing up I always heard, “Ohmygawdyouhavesuchbigeyes!” and it drove me absolutely batshit crazy. The eyeliner makes ’em look smaller. And, y’know, better.
  38. I’m going to say this again to really drive it home: I love shoes. And an addendum: Heels. Heels, heels, heels. God, I love heels.
  39. I’m too indecisive to get a tattoo. I’ve had an appointment or two to get one, but canceled because I didn’t know what the fuck I’d get.
  40. Regardless of titles, I think of myself as being able to do what I want with whom I want at all times (see #3). The reason I haven’t cheated on BF is because I love him and don’t want to be with or fuck anyone else.
  41. Asshole Ex was a fucking prick. I don’t think Court knows how close I came to physically assaulting him.
  42. I have a pet with the same (nick)name as one of this blog’s followers.
  43. I have three pets total.
  44. I do. not. allow any of the pets to be in the room when BF and I have sex.
  45. Allergies ain’t got shit on me.
  46. My house here in Small-ish Town is smaller and all-around crappier than any of my apartments in College Town.
  47. I apply deodorant three or four times a day.
  48. Thinking about losing BF makes me sick to my stomach.
  49. Thinking about all the time I wasted on the losers before BF makes me wish I could go back in time and somehow meet him earlier than I did.
  50. I’ve smoked pot quite a bit. My sophomore year in College Town is a blur.
  51. I’m glad I quit smoking when I did because I could have, pretty easily, blown my education because of it.
  52. I’ve never done any other drug.
  53. A few friends in College Town offered me some cocaine once, off of their bathroom counter. I promptly said no and left the party.
  54. My favorite beer pong partner is Court.
  55. You know how they say college is the best four years of your life? Yeah. Pretty much. Well, maybe. Either way, they were some pretty good years.
  56. I miss my dad every day of my life.
  57. BF (almost) always seems to want to talk about the sex before we get down to it…  “What do you want, baby?” “How do you want it?” While I appreciate his thoughtfulness, sometimes I wish he’d just shut up and throw me down on the bed.
  58. I love my hair being pulled in bed.
  59. My given name is from some old song my mom loves, only she spruced up the spelling. Nobody ever spells it right. I love the name, though.
  60. I’ve never dyed my hair. No highlights, nothin’.
  61. I have no idea what color my eyes are. Brown? Green? Hazel? Honey?
  62. I’m a lot on the short side. 5′ 1″.
  63. BF is right around 6′ tall. Scaredy Ex was (is still, too, I guess) about 6′. Most of my most recent flings have been right around 6′ tall. Short guys creep me out.
  64. I can’t believe sometimes how many of my classmates are married and/or have kids.
  65. But then I feel hypocritical because I want to marry BF (gasp!) and having kids actually doesn’t scare the fuck out of me.
  66. I love reruns of Law & Order: SVU and Criminal Intent, Fresh Prince, Friends and Will and Grace.
  67. I own every season of Sex and the City on DVD. And the movie.
  68. I loved The OC when it was on TV… for the first two or three seasons. But then Marissa died and I swore off the show, despite Ryan and Seth (yum).
  69. I’ve slept with more than 20 guys.
  70. I used to have a list of all of the guys I’ve slept with, but got rid of it after BF and I had been together for awhile. It just didn’t matter anymore.
  71. I’m pretty sure I couldn’t name all 20+.
  72. I dream of traveling all over the world with the man I love… but BF isn’t exactly keen on the idea. He’s actually said, when discussing going to Hawaii, “Do you know how much WATER you have to fly over to get to Hawaii?”
  73. I talk about BF too much… even though we’ve been together as long as we have, I still feel like I’m in the “honeymoon” stage of the relationship sometimes.
  74. The first thing I notice about a guy is his eyes – not the color, but the intensity and what’s behind them. Then I look at his shoes.
  75. LOLcats kills me. Love it.
  76. Call me old-fashioned, but my favorite position is missionary and its subtle variations.
  77. Doggy-style and girl-on-top are close behind.
  78. Sunflowers are pretty much my favorite flowers.
  79. But I’m a sucker for roses. I’ve only gotten them twice – once, a single rose in high school and most recently, BF surprised me with a dozen when he came to visit me in College Town.
  80. My safety drink (non-alcoholic) is iced tea. I order it out of habit, not always because I want it. But I always love it.
  81. My safety alcoholic drink is Coors Light. In a bottle, preferrably.
  82. But if you want a girl dancing on the table, give me a good Long Island iced tea.
  83. Microfleece blankets are my favorite. Have you ever wrapped yourself up in one when you’re naked? I recommend it. 
  84. I’m 100 percent convinced that just about every shirt would be cuter if it had a hood on it. I love hoodies.
  85. Love flip flops.
  86. When I love something, I really, really love it. I don’t just like something – I either don’t care or I fucking LOVE it. And that probably doesn’t make a whole hell of a lot of sense to you, but it’s pretty deep and meaningful to me.
  87. One of my most memorable birthday gifts was when my sister bought me a shit ton of strawberries (what are they called, flats? Cases? Whatever…). I love strawberries. 
  88. I love walking around the house naked. It’s liberating.
  89. But I feel sexiest, typically, in jeans, heels and a bra.
  90. I’ve kissed four girls – including Court.
  91. Another girl and I had a make-out session (her doing, she was unstoppable) while she was d-r-u-n-k. I went along with it because she had a boyfriend and I figured it was better for her to make out with me than my drunk guy friend who would not. stop. hitting. on. her. That and I couldn’t have stopped her if I tried. Talk about relentless!
  92. I’m the baby of the family and definitely act like it.
  93. I LOVE seafood. Well, shrimp, crab and lobster. And some fish but not necessarily tuna.
  94. While in College Town, I contracted chlamydia and HPV. For this reason, I know all stereotypes about STDs are complete and utter bullshit. Talk to me about it if you disagree. Or agree.
  95. I’ve never traveled outside the U.S. And I hate it.
  96. I can’t imagine being single.
  97. … and I worry sometimes that’s because I’m afraid to be alone.
  98. I’ve fooled around in Court’s living room, on a hide-a-bed, while someone was sleeping on the floor.
  99. More than once.
  100. The only time I’ve ever gotten even slightly aroused when looking at porn online (back when I used to every now and then) was when watching girl-on-girl stuff. I don’t know why and I’m not entirely comfortable with it.
  101. I’ve never used a dildo, vibrator or any other toy.
That took days to finish. Hope you enjoyed it. 🙂

I don’t give a tapdancing fuck what you think about me.

5 01 2009

Here is a little something I put together for all of you avid readers!

101 Things you didn’t know and probably don’t care to know about Courtney:

  1. My favorite color is red.
  2. I love Diet Coke. Even better if it’s Diet Coke with Splenda.
  3. I’ve never cheated on a significant other.
  4. I looooooove pizza.
  5. (Significantly) older men turn me on. An obscene amount.
  6. I’d love to marry a musician. C’mon, free serenades? Bring it on.
  7. Accents are a plus, too.
  8. I’m a sucker for sarcastic/witty men.
  9. I’m obsessed with scents. I’m a perfume whore. I don’t smother myself in it, but I have a lot of it. I like to have options.
  10. Consequently… I can’t refuse to give in to a man who smells yummy.
  11. is one of my favorite websites. I have yet to send one of my own in, though…
  12.  I haven’t ever actually been in love before. I thought, at the time, that I was in love a time or two—turns out, when I think about it now, I wouldn’t say I was at all. It was more that I liked the idea of love.
  13.  I, of course, love chick flicks.
  14.  I was what you would call a “tomboy” when I was younger. I’ve since then changed. A lot.
  15.  It annoys me when people spell it “yea” or “ya” instead of “yeah”.
  16.  It also annoys me when people use the word “ain’t” (Ain’t ain’t a word and you ain’t gonna use it! – Thanks to my 2nd grade teacher, that’s what I think of every time I hear the fucking word. Thanks Mrs. P.).
  17.  I’m a big supporter Vikki’s Secret’s V-string thongs.
  18.  I’ve given a former co-worker head in the supply closet (a few times).
  19.  Also given a former co-worker head in the produce freezer (different job than #15).
  20.  …and in the parking lot (same job as #17, different co-worker).
  21. …and had sex in a guy’s parent’s house while his parents were both home and his grandmother was in the next room (during the holidays). I snuck in, and snuck back out like we were in high school. He was 30, I was 21.
  22.  I’m a huge believer in karma. What goes around comes around.
  23.  I’ve never had a threesome (except for the three-way make-out session Christina and I had with some guy at a party once—at least I think that’s all that happened that night).
  24.  I lost my first best friend when I was about 8. She was 7. A toy fell on her at her brother’s baseball game and she died from internal bleeding.
  25.  I trust people way too easily.
  26.  I’ve actually uttered from my mouth the words: “Do you have Facebook? I’ll add you” in order to tag a drunk stranger in College Town. Many a time. Don’t judge. 😉
  27.  I love my pink Blackberry.
  28.  Sometimes, even if it’s an extremely sad situation, it’s hard for me to cry. Almost like I have to take it all in for a while first. Other times, I cry like a baby.
  29.  I smile tons. On the last “good-bye” card I got from my last employer, I’d say 98% of the people who signed the card (about 30 people signed…), said they would miss my smile (and upbeat personality).
  30. Therefore, I have a hard time… not smiling. If there is something sad, I’m always afraid I’m going to smile and look like a total ass, when really, I just want to be happy instead of thinking of the unhappiness.
  31.  After reading/listening to The Secret, I agree with some of the things they say, like: the way you think creates reality for yourself.
  32.  I get déjà vu often. It’s creepy.
  33.  I have terrible vision. I have contacts that I sleep in so that I can see when I wake up every morning.
  34. Before Christina knew BF, I dated his brother. Turns out BF’s brother has a little bit of a drinking problem that probably won’t go away, and usually leads to flakiness. Hence him being an ex. And now Christina gets the joy of seeing him during family functions. Ha. 😉
  35.  I haven’t ever had makeup sex before, but if/when I do, I really hope it’s something like this.
  36.  I wear eyeliner so much that I feel like I look weird without it, like my eyes are too big. No… not that, I guess it makes me look too innocent. And having dark black eyeliner makes me feel sexy. That’s it.
  37.  Along those lines, I have extremely long eyelashes, without mascara. But I use a little black mascara to darken them.
  38.  I love big earrings. Huge hoops or gigantic diamond studs are my favorite.
  39.  I have a tattoo. But if I say what it is, it’ll give it away. I’ll just tell you it’s on the back side of my body.
  40.  As far as I’m concerned, until a guy and I have had “the (b/f, g/f) talk”, I’m available to fuck who I want. When I want.
  41.  If it wasn’t for Christina, I’m not sure I’d be where I am now. I might actually still be with Asshole Ex (I’ll fill you in later). But she stood up for me when she came to visit us once, and made me realize what a mistake I was making by dating him. Thanks, Christina. Love!
  42.  I have the same occupation as one of my followers on the blog.
  43.  I noticed one of our followers lives fairly close to Small-ish Town (where Christina lives).
  44.  I love flying, and every time I do, I always have a hard time deciding if I want to sit next to the cute guy, or the girl I assume is nice and will be good for conversation. I usually end up next to the cute guy. (My last flight, I sat next to the girl I assumed was nice and good for conversation and switched over to the cute guy during the layover.)
  45.  I’m allergic to nickel (no cheap jewelry for me!) and some laundry detergents.
  46.  I wouldn’t be very happy living without a mirror.
  47.  I brush my teeth every time I get out of the shower (regardless of if I brushed them 5 minutes before).
  48.  I always feel like I’m going to lose the right guy because I’m waiting for the wrong guy (or feel like I’m wasting my time on the wrong guy because I feel like there’s someone better for me out there—call it a soul mate, if you will).
  49.  I get scared looking out of the windows at night (especially after watching the movie “The Strangers”).
  50.  I’ve smoked pot once and didn’t care for it.
  51.  I get better at beer pong after losing the first couple games. J
  52.  I’m a little jealous of people that went to college right after high school, because I feel that if I go now, it won’t be the same (since I’ll be older than most people in my starter classes).
  53.  I have such a soft spot in my heart for old men, I hate to see them struggle, and it makes me want to cry.
  54.  My Mom has no idea how much I love her. I tell her all the time, but I don’t know if she realizes how much she means to me.
  55. Ditto for my Dad.
  56.  I like the idea of spontaneous [anywhere] sex. Now if I could just find someone to share that with me…
  57.  I LOVE my (given) name. I wouldn’t change it. It’s often a conversation starter.
  58.  Men seem to get attached to me easily. It’s not necessarily a good thing…
  59.  I’ve got blonde hair. It’s not natural.  I’m not ashamed.
  60.  I’ve got slate blue eyes.
  61. I’m a little on the short side (5’3”).
  62.  I prefer (and usually won’t settle for guys who aren’t) taller guys who are at least 6’0” or taller.
  63.  I broke up with a great guy because he was leaving for college (for only two months) and I didn’t want a long distance relationship. Oh, and he made weird faces during sex—otherwise, there might have been a chance of getting back together (The Facemaker).
  64.  My Asshole Ex married a girl who looks exactly like me, but is a bit on the chubby side, about a year and a half after we broke up. It kind of disturbs me.
  65.  I fucking hate spiders, or any creepy crawlers.
  66.  My Mom’s mother and father passed away before I was born, so I never got to meet them.
  67.  I wish I knew more about my ancestry/family tree.
  68.  It’s weird to me that people my age are already married with kids.
  69.  I love reruns of F-R-I-E-N-D-S, Law & Order: SVU and Sex & the City.
  70.  I’ve slept with over 10, but under 20 men.
  71.  I’ve had sex with a guy after having known him 20 minutes.
  72.  I have big hopes for my future. I just have no idea what they’re going to be yet. I just know I want to help people.
  73.  I want to travel a shit ton while I’m young, and maybe even live in a foreign country.
  74.  I’d also love to win the lottery and help people I know could use the help out.
  75.  Sometimes, I jump up onto my bed, because I’m scared something will grab me from underneath.
  76.  Pillows are one of my obsessions. I have about 6 full size and two smaller ones on my bed, all the time.
  77.  I’m obsessed with song lyrics. Even if I don’t necessarily like the tune/beat of the song, if the lyrics are good, I don’t pay attention to the rest.
  78.  I also love quotes from movies. I’ve got about 3 different word documents full of ‘em (which I should consider merging together, but am too lazy).
  79.  I’m a huge flirt. Big surprise there.
  80.  When scoping out a guy, I notice: height, body tone & teeth. I’m a huge teeth person—love great teeth. J
  81.  I can type about 90-95 wpm with 100% accuracy.
  82.  I’m a photo-whore. I’ve got photos all over my house of awesome memories.
  83.  I have a box full of crap that is supposedly meaningful, that I would like to put into scrapbooks, but when I think about it, if someone were to find it after I die, they’d probably think it was all junk and throw it away… so I’m not sure why I’m even saving it all.
  84. I like really any type of music, but could do without most classical/jazz (with the exception of Michael Bublẻ).
  85.  I get a kick out of reading the missed connections on craigslist [and secretly wish someone would write one about me].
  86.  I always ask for Ginger Ale if the flight attendant asks.
  87.  Favorite position? Reverse missionary. Or missionary. Or doggy-style. Or girl-on-the-counter-guy-standing-up. Or… well, you get the idea.
  88.  My favorite flowers are gerbera daisies and calla lilies.
  89.  Strangest place I’ve had sex is on the balcony of an apartment building overlooking one of the busiest intersections of Big Town.
  90.  …or perhaps it was Christina’s living room floor in College town while she and her roommate were in their rooms. Oops. J
  91.  I absolutely love down comforters.
  92.  I swallow.
  93.  I love Dane Cook’s comedy.
  94.  I think that Talk Sex with Sue Johanson is an awesome television program.
  95.  I’ve kissed a few girls in my day, but never done more than that.
  96.  I don’t buy jeans unless I like the pattern on the back pockets. And if I like the pattern but I don’t like the color of the thread in the pattern on the pocket, I continue looking.
  97.  I’m a youngest child.
  98.  The first time I went to MBD’s house for a little fun, he called me beforehand and told me he wanted me naked when I walked in the front door. His wish was granted.
  99.  I hate seafood. Except for tuna fish.
  100.  I like cats for the most part (in the fact that they are snuggly and soft all the time and this is the only time I’ll ever say I like pussy better than something else!) over dogs.
  101. Even after being single for so long, I sometimes don’t want a relationship, because I like my freedom.
Well, I hope you all enjoyed that… even those of you who fell asleep half way through. 😉
exes and oh!‘s,