It wasn’t me

17 09 2009

When I was a junior in college, I spent a lot of my time with Daddy’s Girl. My roommate and I at the time weren’t getting along very well, so if I wasn’t in class or at work, I was with DG.

DG and I – and Court, too, when she’d come to College Town to visit/party – got into our fair share of trouble together. Nothing serious (and by that I mean no police were ever involved… but damn now that I think about it, that could have been fun) but, well, you know how college girls can be.

DG and I may or may not have made out a time or two. I may or may not have cheered her on during a wet T-shirt contest at one of the bars in College Town.

Annnnd I may or may not have hooked up with, multiple times, one of her roommates.

I should clarify here that, at that point, she lived with three males. Three very, very, VERY good looking males. She claims it was never sexual between her and any of them but I still think her and J hooked up once or twice.


This roommate of hers, I’ll call him Older Buff Guy (GAWD I’M SO FUCKING ORIGINAL), was… well, older (nearing 30), but oh-so buff and OH-SO HOT. He’s one of those nearing 30 guys who sincerely doesn’t look it – he looked more like 24. Hell, he still does. (And by the way, yes he’s still buff and still hot. Maybe even more so since I can’t have him anymore, but that’s an entirely different story.)

Anyway. (I need to stop going off on tangents like that. It makes for a long post, no?)

One Thursday night, after DG and I had gone out on the town, dancing and letting boys buy us five too many drinks, we stumbled back to her place. I’d been texting OBG (that’s a pretty horrible abbreviation for the guy, hmm) for the past few hours, and he was sexily inviting me into his room.

His room, which was right next to DG’s room.

Fuck it.

We got to the house and, luckily, DG decided she was just going to pass the eff out almost immediately. Perfect.

So, I waltzed right into OBG’s room… but I forgot the rule he’d made: No entering the bedroom unless you’re topless. I happily obliged him, seeing as he was already topless (drool) and all.

And what a night we had. That’s the night I learned that lying, face up, on top of a guy who is also lying face up, is actually a plausible (and very pleasing) sex position.

That’s also the night I learned that giving head isn’t always a horrible thing.

That’s ALSO the night I was apparently really fucking loud in bed because the next morning when I walked out of OBG’s room and ran smack dab into DG, she asked what the hell movie or TV show we watched the night before (she knew we “hung out” from time to time but to this day doesn’t know the extent of my relationship with OBG) because she heard some VERY loud sexual noises.

I just told her I had no idea because I fell asleep. … It wasn’t me.


booze & blow jobs.

15 09 2009

So about a month ago, I went on vacation with my boss, and a few of their friends and families. Picture this: a few nice cabins on the lake, lots of people, lots of food, lots of alcohol, and a little puff-puff pass.

The first night was kind of boring, I hadn’t really met anyone yet, except for the friends I already knew, so I just hung out with them and didn’t really pay attention to anyone else (even the cute boys, because I’m loyal– uh, well… mostly– and remember, I was still with STS at the time).

The 2nd night, I was a little bitter with STS. I was pissed that he hadn’t come to see me yet, even though he was off work, so I drank a little, got to know a few more of the people I was hanging out with, danced on the boat with the girls a little, skinny-dipped a little, and drank a little more. Throughout the night, a guy about my age– we’ll call him Lake Hunk– and I had been eye-fucking. All the 20-somethings were in one of the cabins while all the parental units were sound asleep. We decided it was definitely time to take straight vodka shots. I know what you’re thinking: awesome idea. So, we take some shots, then take a few more, then take a couple tequila shots, and by this time, I was chasing my shots with Dr. Pepper & Jack not realizing there was Jack in there until someone pointed out that they had handed me their mixer instead of plain soda because they were looking forward to seeing the drunk side of Court, since they hadn’t seen too much of it so far that week. 

After the shots, we started on margaritas and all decided to change cabins and go to a bigger one to play some Mexican Train (dominos). I plopped down on the couch, and who else but Lake Hunk sits next to me. Then someone on the other side of him, and someone on the other side of me, leaving not too much room in the middle of us. We played a little footsie, flirted a bit, and then agreed to meet each other outside casually in 5 minutes. While he grabbed us some margaritas to-go, I headed over to my cabin to get a sweatshirt. When I walked out, I saw Lake Hunk walking out of the door of the Mexi-Train cabin. He saw me, smiled, and headed my way. We met and decided it would be a good idea to sit in the patio boat with our drinks. As soon as we got there, I also had the idea that skinny-dipping would be the best idea (this is where I get a little sketchy on the whole “loyal” thing…). So, I shed my clothes and dove in. Lake Hunk was in there right after me! We decided it was freezing, so he wrapped his naked body around me for a bit, then we climbed back into the patio boat and sat down for another drink (sans clothes). Sitting down lead to lying down, still naked, groping each other all over the place, and seeing more shooting stars than I’d seen in my life in one night! It was pretty awesome, to be honest. Lake Hunk tried kissing me, but I realized what a horrible person I was being to STS, and told him I was in a relationship and didn’t think it was the best idea, (even though I’d already shown this guy my naked body, and now his hands were wrapped around me, laying down in the boat, watching the stars) and he tried a couple more times, but I wouldn’t let him (and honestly, if I could do it again, I think I would have let him).

We ended up going in for another swim for a few minutes, then got out and went back to the cabins to get dressed and get warmer clothes on. We decided that we’d meet at the chair swing in a few minutes. After changing, I walked out of my cabin, I stumbled down the first stair. Forgetting there was another one, and the ankle that had missed the first step met the second step, and the next thing I knew, I had a sprained ankle. Fuck. But, I was so drunk, I didn’t even care. I stumbled (which was fine, since I was drunk, he didn’t even notice) down to the chair swing and had a seat. Lake Hunk joined me moments later with a little mary jane. We sat on the swing for a while, talked (don’t ask me what about, because I have no clue), groped each other… and then all toxins kicked in and we were ready to pass out. The one thing I do remember him asking was, “am i bigger than your boyfriend?” Interesting…

The next morning, I was in pain. Luckily, a doctor was staying in one of the cabins and he checked my poor ankle. He diagnosed me with a sprained ankle and told me to stay off of it as much as possible. I pretty much hung out at the cabin for the rest of the day reading books and playing Mexi Train with people who stayed in from jet-skiing and wakeboarding. STS stopped by for a few minutes, watched a game of dominos, didn’t ask how my ankle was, even though it was up on a chair, and I was pretty livid that I hadn’t seen him for a while. We didn’t talk a whole lot, and then he left so that he could go to work. I called him a little later and told him I didn’t feel like things were going very well with our relationship, and he agreed, and we ended it (I know, I know, over the phone– tacky) mutually.

Lake Hunk and I eye-fucked lots more that week, but didn’t end up doing anything until I had an empty cabin and he came to hang out and watch TV for a bit. Watching TV turned into him asking me “you want to know how big it is, don’t you?” And of course, I agreed. I had been thinking about it ever since we had skinny-dipped, and I was pissed off that I couldn’t remember anything about it since I was so drunk, and he knew it. I unzipped his pants, and gave him a blow job that lasted approximately 2 minutes. If that. What a disappointment. And I know what you’re wondering, “Well? How big was he, Court?” He was a little smaller than MBD. Even bigger disappointment that it didn’t go further! We had to head back to the other cabin so no one started to wonder where we went!

Should I feel bad about “cheating” on STS if I felt like things were going to end anyway?

tfln of the day: (706): If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore

exes and oh!s,


11 09 2009

Let’s say, theoretically, you and your boyfriend (guys, just go with it) have been together for 2+ years. And let’s say, theoretically, you’ve lived together for over a year.

You’ve talked about marriage, babies and growing old together. And he’s seen you naked more than any other living being. You know, theoretically.

Let’s say this boyfriend of yours get a text message one Friday night while you’re hanging out. The text is from an oooold friend of his. An old friend who happens to be female.

Let’s say you’re okay with this.

But this old friend? Also happens to be the sister of your boyfriend’s EX-FUCKING-GIRLFRIEND. Who he was with for a total of 4-something years.


And let’s say, when he responds to this text message (knowing his ex is with the sister, who text messaged him), he says something to the effect of, “Just hanging out.” No mention of you.

How would you, theoretically, feel?

no sex for… me, apparently.

8 09 2009

I was tickled pink to see that I got a response from people on my last post! So glad people are helping me think of things to write about! Keep it going!

The question was by Miss Rambles: What is the longest either have you have gone with NO sex?

I mean, who really likes to talk about the lack of sex in their life? It’s just not fun. So when I saw the question, I had to definitely pick at my brain to think of the last time I was in a serious sex rut. I’ve always been pretty good at gettin’ some.

Let me break this down for you: When things went to shit with Asshole Ex before I broke up with him, I went on a “no-sex” strike– not really sure who I was punishing more, really–which was probably for a month, maybe more. But as soon as I moved back home, Christina invited me to College Town, like the good friend she is, and I’m almost positive I broke the streak the second visit. After that it was really twice a month, I’m guessing, that I was in College Town visiting Christina and fucking on her living room floor (well, maybe it wasn’t the floor everytime…). After that I found a boyfriend in Big Town it was a pretty regular thing– but that was The Facemaker, so I had to put an end to that one. Also dated Christina’s boyfriend’s brother, who lived a couple hours away, so I’d get some about every other weekend. After many failed relationships, I decided that since I had built relationships with guys in Big Town, I might as well use that to my advantage… so I had my share of fuck-buddies there for a while, and was for sure getting action at least once a month until I moved. Ugh. I was in a pretty huge sex drought, I moved in November, Mr. Cling helped a little once or twice in November/December, and after that I stopped seeing him for obvious reasons and was without sex until I met STS, which was probably about 2 months. So… to answer your question: 2 months. Does that make me a whore? And what’s the longest you have all gone without hiding the sausage (or in some cases, little smokies)?

Let’s not even get started on my current situation, though. I’m starting on a long streakas we speak. STS and I broke up in early August, and I’m pretty sure the last time we got down and dirty was a day or so before, so I’m working on a good month right now. And I actually think I’m becoming a bit depressed even thinking about it. Fuck me.

tfln of the day: (619): thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina

Teaser: My next post I’ll be answering Christina’s question, “have you ever, I dunno, gotten drunk on a boat with a boy you only recently met and gone skinnydipping with some illegal substances maybe (or maybe not) involved?” She obviously knows more than you. And you aren’t gonna wanna miss this.


starting over

6 09 2009

I did it. I marked everything as read in google reader. The numbers were ridiculous.

I have on request – comment with your url so I can make sure you’re in my reader so I can stay updated!

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to pry BF’s attention from the tv. Lingerie may or may not be involved.

hooooly shit she’s alive!

5 09 2009

I’m starting to get really fucking tired of this excuse BUT I (still, for the love of god) don’t have internet at home. So. Yeah.

But with Court’s recent posting I’ve realized how much I MISS THIS SHIT so I’m suffering through doing this from my blackberry. Just for you, sexypants. Yes, you.

Unfortunately, not a whole fuckofalot has happened for me since the last time I posted, wayyy back in the day.

Have I mentioned I’m sorry about our little unplanned hiatus? No? Well I am.

BF and I did move, however, into a much nicer rental house. I’m further from work now though, but that’s the only downside. Well, that and NOT HAVING INTERNET! Fuckme.

Let me tell ya, it’s pretty awesome living somewhere you can have sex with your bedroom door (which open to 3+ acres of lawn/pasture) open. Mmhmm.

Other than that… Nothin’ much. I plan on realllly making more of an effort here, but don’t plan on many of the regulars from me (sorry).
Until next time (which should be soon!)


give it to me.

5 09 2009

Questions, that is. I’ve asked for this before, but I never got a huge turnout of questions. So this time I’m going to ask for at least one question from each of you that you want to ask me (us), about anything. It can be about me (us) personally, or it can be something you need advice about, or you can simply suggest a topic for me (again, us) to talk about. I’m just having a problem coming up with post topics, and my life has been pretty dull lately, even after the breakup. So help us get this show back on the road.

For now, I’m going to go ahead and do our usual Fuck Me Friday.

This guy reminds me of MBD. Gotta love it.  Gerard Butler. Mmmm.


I’m also going to start closing– or even writing posts that can relate to– ( because the website pretty much rocks my world… here it is:

(484): Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.

exes and oh!s,